I'm the type that tries to run away from the pain. I try to stay distracted as often as possible. I took a break for a few weeks from posting, and realized that I was long overdue to vent some more.
I have been planning vacations/escapes as often as possible, to run away from myself and reality.
I just returned home last week from a cruise that was supposed to go to Bermuda. Hurricane Katya was heading towards Bermuda so the ship's destination was changed. Instead we ended up in Florida and the Bahamas. I guess I shouldn't complain. We escaped some bad weather during that week, and we were on vacation. The sky was mostly sunny, except for the day we went to Florida.
The Bahamas was ok. There was ab issue which was the main excursion to the Atlantis at Paradise Island. It is a quite mystical place and DH really wanted to go, but I ABSOLUTELY refused. Why?
I bet anyone that knows the resort and infertility knows why.
Because there will be thousands of little kids/babies enjoying the place, therefore torturing/punishing me again.
I have no desire to watch the faces of the little critters enjoying themselves while their smiling parents enjoy the delighted smiles and giggles that their little ones express.
I'M SO JEALOUS IT MIGHT KILL ME!
So NO, I will not go back there. And once again, I have to let DH down and not allow him to enjoy another activity/visit that he desires to do. SORRY.
So we went to Cable Beach. Beautiful, quiet, and NO KIDS :) Can you feel the smile :) It was completely awesome. Very peaceful, great weather, and we actually made some friends which was nice.
Towards the end of my cruise, the last day at sea, after my daily dose of alcoholic beverages, I went to the bathroom one afternoon, (probably about the 10th time of the day, and it was only about 2pm). There was a woman who had just come out of a stall and decided she needed to vent, and I was the only one there.
Let me give you some information about this particular cruise. There were people who flew from Europe, Cananda, California, etc., and most people were very dissappointed with the change in itinerary. We were all dissappointed. We were supposed to be going to Bermuda. We ended up in the Bahamas and Florida. No comparison. Okay, done.
Back to the lady in the bathroom. She definitely picked the wrong lady to vent to.
Her: I can't believe this. I am so bloated. We were supposed to go to Bermuda. All I can do now is eat. I feel so bloated, especially since I just had a baby 9 months ago! Ugh!
Did she really just say that TO ME?
Me: Well, we've had some great weather regardless, and at least you are on vacation. So you just had a baby 9 months ago? What is your baby's name?
Me: Do you have any idea how lucky you are?
Her: I know, I have a few friends that have been trying to have kids and haven't been able to.
Me: That's right. Do you see the necklace on my neck? These three hearts are for the triplets that I lost in December after my 10th IVF. You know what? 500 trips to Bermuda would never make up for the baby that I don't have. You are very blessed to have Lauren.
Her: I'm sorry. You are so right. I am lucky.
Me: Be happy you have Lauren to go home to after this vacation.
And then I left the bathroom and felt very smug to have put the bitch in her place. BLOATED! ASSHOLE!
I tell you there was quite a sense of satisfaction on my end. And then I went down the kids waterslide again afterwards, and before another drink.
So now I'm back home and getting ready to pack for another small trip with my mom for a few days. Need to get away again. Always need to get away.
BTW: Heather, thank you for your comment on my last post. Hope your journey is looking up.
I have much more to vent about, but I'm saving it for my next post. I flew off the handle about something else this week and really went off on my mom which of course I feel terrible about. It sucks being a miserable bitch, but unfortunately, it's who I am right now. Maybe someday, it will get better. Maybe not!